Started My Self Realisation

I started to observe me how i am whether i am talking more or less,how my mind is taking things if somebody praises me or scolds me like that in each and everything from morning to night kept on observing..It took me little longer time nearly 2years to found out the differences..But as days passes from my 4th std suddenly i started to worship lord shiva..After that i can found lot differences within myself very easily.I stopped talking itself, if anybody scolded me i says nama shivaya and will pass away..Suddenly one day we got a news that my elder grandpa had passed away..My mom and dad was getting ready to go as we having exams they left us in home..But i was just making fight with mom as she should not go..My mom was explaining me that it is unavoidable, if we doesnt go everybody will speak wrongly about our family..But i doesnt get compromised and i continued as just leave about others, u dont go..And finally before she leaves suddenly i said when u back u are going to suffer by sever fever..She came back with the severe fever.She doesnt suffered that much as before..First time my mom saw me with tears and said i should have to hear ur words my dear..At that moment i became restless and started to pray that my mom should recover soon..The very next morning she was very well..From that day till now she will always see me what i am going to say, sometimes she have fear in that too whether i am going to say anything wrongly..

The second incident which made me to shut my mouth is happened in school..In school we are of one group with 5girls and 5boys..we are the one who decides the activities whichever happens in the class..we will always be enjoyable and very playful.One day one of my friend showed her albums as they went for tour with grandma and grandpa..Suddenly without any thinking i said ur grandma is going to die..She just looked me up and down and said are u ok..And she gave explanation that her grandma had never fallen in sick, never went to hospital etc......i just closed my mouth, at that moment only i realised i had said something wrong, but my mind never accepting and myself feeling that for sure she is not going to be alive..My time suddenly her grandma got admitted in hospital and passed away within 2days..She said that as i told only she had passed away..The fight continued between other girls and guys..but from that moment i made my mouth shut..Then only realised that without unknowingly i am saying things to them, but it is not good to know bad incidents before..

Lovable Ones

I had a lovable parents and sisters..My mom was very different one than others.She is very devotional, very playful, bold enough, very lovable..Her focus is love,caring and sharing..i learnt many things from her especially patience..Many times i had just dropped the glass things from my hand,at that time she will just smile at me and she will ask me to move from that place..In many instances i loved her a lot..she will make us to go to temple and she made us to get involve in devotional path..And for me my 2nd sister is the one who is blessed by god to me..In the beginning she would never speak to me,we both started to speak only from my 6th std..She is the one who cares me a lot.she will never me alone.she always treats me as her daughter..she is a good teacher for me. i came to know that i had a very good hands with me..Now i started to go within myself..

My journey started

From my young i have a very strong memory power..I remembers everything and everybody whatever they are doing to me and to others..i m the best listener..Being as one month baby i left my mom and started my journey with my grandma, grandpa and uncle..We are of 3 daughters, and i m the last one..

The first person who showed me what is love, is my grandpa..I will be with him all the time, and i learnt a lot from him..He will always says only one thing to me..If u love somebody do anything for them dont worry about others..And he says if u are well people will talk about u, if u are not well then also people will talk about u, their mouth cant be closed because thats the nature of society..But this happiness doesnt lasted, he left me very shortly..Still now whenever i remembers him there will be tears in my eyes..After that I got shifted to my parents..For me everything is new, new environment, new peoples,new relations..i came to know that i m not convinient, i was very afraid of seeing my mom,dad and sisters..When i was with my grandpa i will come to home to study, but will never be free to them..From that day i started my silence, it was around 4years..